I'm out in the open

I stood there, watched the void before me opening and crying. And so I cried too

Hi internet,

Long time no see.
And I wish I'd say I'm too busy to blog.
Well, actually, I'm not.

I graduated from college, I have no job at the moment. I've no ideas what I want to work, actually. I write blog posts to lithuanian fashion magazine SwO, but that's about it. I also deejayed once and it was quite a success. Last sunday I attended a night picnic with some friends. Apart from these things I have nothing interesting to tell but that's okay because I don't feel myself. I don't feel myself at all.
And the reason to my present self most of the time is a peculiar little fact that we broke up. He and me. Last Easter.
'Predictable' you might say.
And hell, why else one could be numb for several months without actually admitting it, right ?
Well, all those months (almost five, to be precise) we still tried. And turns out, it all kind of failed.
'It's complicated' I say and search myself in music, words, colours, coffee, my increased insomnia, my appetite loss, all the tears, my image in the mirror. I search and can't find. I know where I ought to search, but that's forbidden. Now, at least.
In the mean time, I'm glad I have a friend I can somewhat fill the void with.
Thank you, friend.